I woke up floating in space. Seriously. One minute I was in deep sleep, and the next I was staring up at stars in space. I sat up and looked around. I was still in bed, but it wasn’t anchored to anything. I figured I must be dreaming, so I pinched myself. That’s what you’re supposed to do, right? I didn’t have a spinning top or a something to read so physical punishment it was. Nothing changed. I very carefully manoeuvered to the end of the bed and peered over. More stars and more space. All of sudden, this voice comes booming out at me, making me jump back.
“You are enough!”
“You are enough.” The voice was a little quieter. It didn’t sound masculine or feminine. It wasn’t coming from any one direction, more like all directions.
“Okay?” I was more than ‘enough’. I had a prestigious job, nice things, lots of friends, I could travel wherever I wanted, I was a favourite uncle. What was this…entity talking about?
“I’m not talking about your achievements or your material possessions or your social skills, Sam. I’m talking about you. Who you are, right in this moment and in all moments. Your strengths, your bad habits, your issues, your self-improvement goals don’t have any impact on this fact.”
“Well, great. Thanks. Can I get back to sleep now?” Really, what was the point of this?
“What do you think when good things happen to you? How about when bad things happen to you? Do you think good things are due to your talents and skills, and the bad things are due to external factors that are out of your control?”
“Yeah, for the most part. Sometimes, I make mistakes, but generally, I’d say I agree with your statement.”
“What if I told you that the complete opposite is true? That the good things are due to external factors out of your control and the bad things are due to you?”
I was prepared to scoff, but, for some reason, I stopped and I thought about it. What if all the shit things that have happened to me were my fault? Due to my personality or my actions or non-actions. My best friend in college sleeping with Mara; not getting that job in New York; everything that ultimately led me to scrap starting my own company. And what if all my accomplishments were due to random luck? My relationships? My life? What if that was true?
“It’s not. But it wouldn’t matter if it was. All the good and the bad in your life don’t define who you are. You are who you are. That’s it.”
“That’s it. Just…me.”
“Yes. You are Sam and you are enough.”
And with that, I was back in my room, still sitting up in my bed. I felt utter relief. I’m not sure why this weird conversation got to me. I don’t feel bad about myself, or inferior. I think my friends would actually describe me as really confident. Maybe I’ve been feeling like I have to constantly prove myself, show people that I’m worthy of the great salary, the promotions, the attention (professionally and personally). Now I’m feeling like it’s ok. I don’t have to try so hard. I can enjoy what I have so far, and take some time to figure out what I really want going forward. Like maybe I don’t need to grasp for the next rung on the ladder or keep pushing for more just to get more. Maybe I don’t need to keep certain people at arm’s length, just in case. I’m enough. I grabbed my phone and set a daily reminder for myself. I have a feeling it’s easy to forget this kind of a realization.
Have you ever been told you are enough? Have you read it somewhere and dismissed it? There is no one in this whole world just like you. That means that whatever you are is enough. Nobody can say otherwise, because what’s the comparison marker?
How are you going to remember this important fact? Please do it now – journal about it; write a post-it; set a reminder on your phone; make some art. Don’t ever forget you are enough.